Step Parent

So, you are a stepparent now? Or, are you about to become a stepparent? Either way, your life in a whole new world has just begun. Most children dread the thought of having to call another adult "Mom" or "Dad." It often sickens them to think some woman or man is going to try and take the place of someone they already have and respect in their lives.

Wanting to Adopt? Pregnant?  

So, what do you do? Simple...prepare for the ride. You have a rode of tests before you. Children have to be certain they can trust you, and with horror stories they hear from their peers regarding stepparents, they envision nothing more than a nightmare. They won't want to trust you. They will question your authority. They will see you as a replacement for their own mother and father, and they don't like that idea at all. It takes time, patience, and a lot of adjusting.

Children can't and won't be fooled. They can sense pretense miles and miles away, so you just have to be straight forward with them. Don't come off too bossy or aggressive; that seldom goes over well with them. Don't try to be too nice, because they'll see you as a phony who just wants them to like you. So basically…be you. They learn to appreciate you more and easier if you don't pretend to be someone you're not.

Please don't let any of the above scare you though, as children tend to be different, depending on their past experiences, etc. Children whose parents went through an intense divorce will probably not appreciate either of their parent's new girlfriends/boyfriends, much less new mate. Whereas, children whose parents bickered and fought constantly, seemingly had nothing in common, or were in abuse marriage are scared the same thing may repeat itself with a new parent in the picture, from which a lack of trust may stem. Then, there are the children who enjoy the comfort and benefits of bouncing from home to home of each parent, who competes in order to be loved more by the child. They get what they want when they want it. But with new parents, the focus is taken from them, at least, that's how they feel. These children often tend to make the stepparents pay for "messing up" their lives by making their lives miserable.

On a total different spectrum, there are the children who warmly embrace a new parent, especially if all they have ever know is one parent. These are the children who enjoy your company, who light up when you step into the room, and readily call you "Mom" or "Dad." These children appreciate your thoughts, opinions, and encouragement. They are usually welcoming and open to new things, as they want to enjoy the things they feel they have missed having a single mother or father. They tend to see the new parents as hope for their family, a ray of sunshine brought into the life of their lone parent. However, don't assume it will be smooth sailing. Because if these children feel, in any way, that they are being neglected by either you or their own mother or father, they usually make it known.

For more information from stepparents or on step parenting, visit the links below.

Why Step Relationships Arent Easy

http://www.fortnet.org/ParentToParent/PFellers/par_step.html

http://www.parentalalienation.com/stepparents.htm

http://www.talkaboutparenting.com/group/alt.support.step-parents/

http://www.flc.org/hfl/parenting/stepparents.htm